Beatdown Before Brunch: Red Sox Bury Astros in Morning Mayhem
Lucas Giolito plays ace while Houston plays hot potato—Boston completes three-game sweep with slapstick flair and just the right amount of disrespect.
Morning Baseball and Houston’s Existential Crisis
Sunday morning baseball: a sacred tradition where fans sip coffee, players squint into the sun, and the Houston Astros played hot hash browns with the baseball. First pitch was at 11:38 a.m. — a time when most of the Astros were still emotionally asleep and Framber Valdez was apparently still dreaming about his 10-game win streak.
The Red Sox, meanwhile, treated the early start like a brunch buffet. They piled on six runs in the fourth inning, served with a side of Houston past balls, wild pitches, and a balk so awkward it should’ve come with a laugh track. Final score: 6-1. Sweep complete. Fenway rejoices. Houston reconsiders its life choices.
Giolito Goes Full Cy Young (Before Noon)
Lucas Giolito, who’s been quietly excellent all season, decided to go full vintage Pedro Martinez before most fans finished their first mimosa. He tossed eight innings of one-run ball, allowing just three hits, striking out four, and walking one. His ERA dropped to 3.65, and his WHIP now qualifies as “respectable” in polite company.
Giolito’s only blemish? A solo homer to Carlos Correa, who was recently reacquired by Houston in a trade that’s aging like milk. Correa’s blast gave the Astros a brief 1-0 lead, which they immediately treated like a hot potato and handed back to Boston with a bow.
Fourth-Inning Comedy Hour
Let’s break down the fourth inning, also known as “Houston’s Greatest Hits: Defensive Blunders Edition.”
Trevor Story and Ceddanne Rafaela hit back-to-back RBI singles.
Houston missed a cutoff throw like it was a pop quiz.
Framber Valdez uncorked a wild pitch, then balked home a run like he was auditioning for a sitcom.
Wilyer Abreu laid down a bunt that rolled under Valdez’s glove like it was dodging taxes.
Yainer Diaz added a passed ball for good measure, just in case anyone thought the inning was salvageable.
Six runs. Five mistakes. One team looking like it forgot which sport it was playing.
Fenway Is a Fortress Again
The Red Sox are now 37-21 at home, which is a sentence we haven’t typed since the Obama administration. They’ve won 14 of their last 16 at Fenway, and the crowd is starting to believe again — mostly because the team stopped treating home games like a punishment.
This sweep wasn’t just a win. It was a statement. The Astros came in leading the AL West and left looking like they’d just been mugged by a team that remembered how to hit and pitch at the same time. Boston has now won five straight and sits at 62-51, just 3 games behind Toronto in the AL East and holding the top Wild Card spot like it’s a winning lottery ticket.
Framber Valdez: From Ace to “Oops”
Valdez entered Sunday with a 10-0 record and a 1.84 ERA over his last 14 starts. He left with a 6.1 IP, 6 R (4 ER), 7 H, 2 BB, 3 K line and a look that said, “I should’ve called in sick.”
He hadn’t allowed three runs in an inning since May 19. The Red Sox made sure that streak died a loud, embarrassing death. His ERA ballooned to 2.83, and his confidence likely took a short walk off a long pier.
Carlos Correa’s Return Tour
Correa, freshly reacquired from Minnesota, hit a solo homer and then spent the rest of the game watching his teammates unravel like a cheap sweater. He struck out in a key moment Saturday and looked generally annoyed that Boston didn’t roll out a red carpet for his return.
The Astros have now lost eight of their last ten and are starting to resemble a team that peaked in 2022 and forgot to update its software.
Red Sox Offense: Efficient and Petty
Boston only needed eight hits to score six runs, which is the baseball equivalent of winning a poker hand with a pair of twos. Story and Rafaela each had two hits (rafaela had 3 total) and an RBI. Connor Wong added a sacrifice fly. Wilyer Abreu executed a safety squeeze that turned into a comedy sketch.
Roman Anthony started the rally with a double, and the rest of the lineup followed suit like they were reenacting a group project where everyone actually did their part.
Box Score Breakdown
Team RISP: 4-for-8. That’s a .500 average, which in Red Sox terms is like discovering fire.
What’s Next
Boston opens a three-game set against the Royals on Monday. Brayan Bello (7-5, 3.19 ERA) takes the mound, and if he pitches like Giolito did Sunday, Kansas City might want to start warming up the bullpen now.
The Sox are surging. Fenway is alive. And the Astros? They’re probably still trying to figure out how a bunt turned into a four-run inning.
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