Crochet Hooks the A’s: Sox Blank Oakland in a Game So Lopsided Even the Mascot Left Early

Trevor Story went yard, Narváez went orbital, and the Athletics went missing.

First Inning, First Punch: Story Time Begins Early

If you blinked during the first inning, you missed Trevor Story turning Luis Morales into a cautionary tale. Story’s 24th homer of the season was a no-doubter to left-center — the kind of shot that makes pitchers question their life choices and fans question why they ever doubted him. That blast set the tone for a game that quickly devolved into a one-sided therapy session for Red Sox fans still recovering from last week’s bullpen trauma.

By the end of the second inning, Boston had already stacked a 3-0 lead thanks to RBI singles from Jarren Duran and Nick Sogard. Morales looked like he was pitching with oven mitts, and the A’s defense resembled a group of interns trying to play MLB The Show for the first time.

Crochet’s Redemption Arc: From Shaky to Surgical

Garrett Crochet, fresh off a Sept. 2 meltdown against Cleveland, decided to cosplay as Pedro Martinez for seven innings. He struck out 10, allowed fewer than four hits, and didn’t walk a soul — which is impressive considering the Red Sox bullpen usually hands out walks like Halloween candy.

Crochet’s fastball command was tighter than Alex Cora’s postgame excuses, and his sinker usage jumped nearly 10% — a tweak credited to Connor Wong, who apparently moonlights as a pitching therapist between starts.

Quotes & Quips: Cora’s Spin Cycle

Manager Alex Cora, when asked about the bullpen not being needed, said, “It’s nice when Crochet makes it easy.” Translation: “I didn’t have to play Russian roulette with relievers tonight.”

Crochet credited Wong for helping him “find his fastball command again,” which is adorable considering Wong’s been quietly fixing pitchers like a mechanic with a wrench made of sarcasm.

Oakland’s Oopsies: A Masterclass in Mediocrity

Luis Morales, previously undefeated in his MLB career, got introduced to the concept of regression. Seven hits, five earned runs, and one walk later, he looked like he’d just read the Yelp reviews for his own performance.

The A’s offense? Nonexistent. They scattered three hits like confetti at a funeral and didn’t score a single run. Their baserunning was so cautious it bordered on agoraphobic. If this was a strategy, it was designed by someone who thinks scoring is optional.

Red Sox Momentum Check: Is This a Streak or a Mirage?

Boston’s now won two straight and sits at 80-65 — three games behind Toronto and one behind the Yankees in the AL East race. That’s technically “momentum,” but let’s not pretend this team hasn’t turned winning streaks into cautionary tales before.

Fenway’s been kinder lately, but the ghosts of blown leads and bullpen implosions still linger like bad clam chowder.

Next Up: Dustin May vs. Jeffrey Springs — The Battle of the Question Marks

Tomorrow, Dustin May (7-11, 4.96 ERA) takes the mound against Jeffrey Springs (10-10, 4.13 ERA). May’s ERA is flirting with disaster, and Springs is the kind of pitcher who either dominates or disappears. Expect a game that’ll either be a pitcher’s duel or a home run derby sponsored by chaos.

Subscribe to Red Sox Digest — Because Someone Has to Document This Circus

We’re not saying we enjoy watching this team unravel like a cheap sweater, but someone’s gotta keep score while the clowns juggle flaming bats. Subscribe now — before the bullpen gives us another reason to scream into our Fenway Franks.