Fenway Finally Decides to Wake Up: Sox Stomp Padres, You Should’ve Seen This Coming
Because apparently the Red Sox needed a wake-up call louder than Buehler's fastball to actually hit someone
Game Recap: Sox Didn’t Just Win—They Humiliated
Let’s get real: last night, the Padres rolled out onto the field thinking this was going to be another series walkover. Then Walker Buehler, formerly of the Dodgers, stepped on the mound and remembered he’s still a pitcher. He served six shutout innings—four hits, two walks, four strikeouts—and made San Diego look like they’d forgotten how to swing. Career note? Now 7–1 lifetime against them with a ridiculous 1.67 ERA across 13 starts. Timing couldn’t be more perfect for this soulless performance.
That fourth inning? Comedy gold. Alex Bregman starts the shuffle with a single, followed by walks to Jarren Duran and Trevor Story. Yoshida “visits” with a sac fly, then Pivetta—yes, THAT Pivetta—throws the ball into orbit trying to pick off Story. Two runs in instant pain. Then Wilyer Abreu decided excuses were for losers and crushed his 21st homer, a two‑run moonshot that made everyone wish they’d brought flashlights to Petco Park.
In the eighth, Connor Wong continued the carnage with a bases-clearing double, because why stop the beating now? The evening capped with Yoshida dropping another two-run shot in the ninth—like he wasn’t satisfied already. Final? A whopping 10–2. Sox drew eight walks, Padres stranded 12 runners and went 1-for-7 with runners in scoring position—classic self-inflicted doom.
Morning Recap: No Morning Game. This Isn’t Triple-A
There was no morning game. So unless someone scheduled a broom‑sweeping campaign at noon, you’re stuck with just the glorious evening annihilation. No early hemming or hawing—just pure Buehler‑powered dominance.
Player Highlights (AKA Socks to the Face)
Walker Buehler – Ace? Check. Padres‑dismantler? Double check. Should’ve pitched this way all season.
Wilyer Abreu – Homer #21. Came. Saw. Crushed it. If “making an enemy pay” were a slogan, it’d be his.
Masataka Yoshida – Sac fly, homer, and watch‑me‑do‑it‑again jack. Patience, power, and just enough disdain for the opposition.
Connor Wong – Bases‑loaded double. Because why not pile on a little more misery?
Red Sox Stat Box (Top 5 Tonight)
(Look, I'm not your stat pad: it’s snark over spreadsheets—but you get the dominant gist.)
Opponent Misfires: Padres Soaked in their Own Disaster
Nick Pivetta, the ex‑Red Sox, threw the game so hard he gifted runs like it was Christmas. Between shaky command, that sac‑fly error concoction, and leaving bases loaded, he made Sox fans smile harder than the $55 million contract on his back would suggest. Padres stranded twelve runners and looked amateurish when it counted—1-for-7 with RISP says it all.
Momentum & Standings: Rolling or Just Rolling Over?
Let’s call it what it is: their eighth win in nine games. Winning aside, Fenway energy’s back, confidence is climbing, and the rest of the league better watch—they’re not just winning, they’re putting on clinics. Boston’s standing now? Improved, but don’t count on complacency. Still chasing the East, still grinding, still acting like this matters (because it does).
Sneak Peek: What's Next—Optimism, but Not Naïveté
Tomorrow? A new opponent, fresh chances to overreact or underperform. Will the bats stay hungry or get hangry? Will the bullpen remember it’s not a charity? The hope is they keep this absurd swagger. But let’s be real—expect wildness, embrace chaos, pray it stays on the field.
Final Snarky Thought & Subscription Plug
Look, if you’re not subscribed to Red Sox Digest, you’re missing this merry massacre live. Because sugar doesn’t win ballgames—only sarcasm, lethal HRs, and six-inning shutouts from ex-Dodgers do. So stop dawdling—Subscribe to Red Sox Digest now, before you’re left in the dust—and yes, I’m exasperated, but this is Boston; expecting less is unforgivable.