Things Got Squirrely In The Bronx
One lousy run, a squirrel cameo, and yet the Yankees still managed to lose. Boston, you’re welcome.
Let’s not sugarcoat it—the Red Sox gutted out an embarrassingly narrow 1–0 win over the Yankees in the Bronx. Pitching phenom Brayan Bello once again proved himself, hurling seven scoreless innings while giving up just three singles, striking out five, and walking one.
The only run came in the seventh inning via a pair of lazy doubles from Nathaniel Lowe and Connor Wong—like a slow pitch to their defense, and yet it was enough.
Max Fried was serviceable for the Yankees—six innings of scoreless work with seven Ks—until the Sox finally scratched something across against reliever Mark Leiter Jr. Defensive plays or whatnot saved the bullpen from turning this into a dumpster fire: a nifty double play in the third inning and a slick double-off in the sixth kept the Yankees at bay.
To cap it off, Garrett Whitlock and Aroldis Chapman locked it down—Chapman notching his 25th save in his vintage “don’t even think about it” style. Oh, and a squirrel briefly delayed play—because why not add slapstick to this highlight reel of tedium.
Player Highlights (Sarcasm Edition)
Brayan Bello: The human snooze button for Yankees hitters. Three more hits? Three measly hits? Put him in the Hall already before he keeps embarrassing the opposition.
Nathaniel Lowe & Connor Wong: These two cajoled a run out of what looked like a scrimmage against Little League pitching. Thanks for doing something, I guess.
Aroldis Chapman: 25th save, still looks like he’s mocking Father Time. Legendary.
Max Fried: Pitched great, lost anyway—welcome to Sox fandom. Nothing you can do in this circus.
The Yankees: Congratulations, you managed to get out-hit by a rodent. Literally. The squirrel got more done. Bravo.
Quotes & Commentary
Manager Alex Cora insisted the bullpen wasn’t the problem, which is technically true—only if your definition of “not a problem” is “a squirrel smells trouble first.” Meanwhile, Yankees manager Aaron Boone whined about his team’s sloppiness—yes, let’s blame poor execution when your batters can’t even reach second base without tripping.
Opponent Misfires
Yankees offense? In its current state, it belongs in a museum—“Artifacts of the Null.” Only three hits, no one past first—hell, a squirrel made it further. Max Fried might have got the job done, but come on—your bullpen gave up the only run with ease. There’s nothing more frustrating than winning by default against a team this bland.
Red Sox Momentum Check
Let’s be real: this team’s “momentum” is about as tangible as a ghost that never shows up. Yesterday’s 1–0 miracle brings them to 70–59, holding a slight edge over the Yankees in the wild-card chase. They just clinched the season series—yeah, celebrate that—because it’s one less thing to worry about.
In their last 10 games, the Sox are 5–5. Balanced? Sure. Terrifying? Absolutely.
Future Outlook
Next up: they march on to face the Baltimore Orioles. Will the offense wake up? It’s a fair question, but chances are they’ll still be hitting like they’ve got lead in their bats. At least the pitching looks like it might hang on—if Bello keeps this up, he could carry the team past what passes for the lineup. But let’s stay realistic: hope is for chumps…and deeply disappointed Boston fans.
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